Very Modern Mizzes
by Lone-Soprano-Of-Sopranoland
Summary: Les Mis is an awesome musical, but its so... depressing. So lets kick that idea out and lighten up a little bit! This is Les Miserables with a modern update. Join rapper, Enjolras, the break-dancing chorus, Beyonce-wanna-be Cosette, and the Barricade Boyz as they wreck havoc on the stage! Rated T because of songs, and its Les Mis... Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to Very Modern Mizzes! **

**Every song in Les Mis is scrapped with a modern pop song... or musical theatre... **

**But mostly pop.**

**Tell me what you want to hear, and I'll put it in!**

**P.S this is based on the movie.**

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_Chapter One: Look Down and Valjean's Arrest_

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Convicts: SKIN HEAD, DEAD HEAD, EVERYBODY GONE BAD, SITUATION, AGGRAVATION, EVERYBODY ALLEGATION-

Audience: What the he-

Director: What's going on?

Enjolras and Eponine: (Gag him and chloroform him)

Convicts: ALL I WANNA SAY IS THAT THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT US! (pull the ship in) ALL I WANNA SAY IS THAT THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT US! (points to Javert)

Javert: Shut it!

Valjean: BEAT ME, HATE ME, YOU CAN NEVER BREAK ME! WILL ME, THRILL ME! YOU CAN NEVER KILL ME! JEW ME, SUE ME! well that was racist... EVERYBODY DO ME! KICK ME, KIKE ME! DON'T YOU, WHITE OR BLACK ME! But I'm white...

Javert: (pulls him aside) Pull that flag out of the mud.

Valjean: Why?

Javert: (shrugs shoulders) Beats me.

Valjean: (starts to lift it)

Audience person: Do you hear something?

(Mumbling)

Chorus: (getting progressively louder) I AM JESUS! I AM JESUS! I AM JESUS!

Audience: (covering their ears) Well that was subtle...

Valjean: (drops the flag) Well, that was a waste of energy...

Javert: (hands him his yellow ticket)

Valjean: I'm going to Willy Wonka' chocolate factory?

Javert: Um... No?

Valjean: The Polar Express?

Javert: (agitated) No...

Valjean: Are you the conductor? ALL ABOAR-

Javert: It's your parole ticket... SO YOU BETTER DISAPPEAR!

Convicts: (singing back-up) THERE'S FIRE IN HIS EYES, AND HIS WORDS ARE REALLY CLEAR!

Everyone: SO BEAT IT! JUST BEAT IT!

Javert: BEAT IT!

Covicts: (break dancing) BEAT IT!

Javert: BEAT IT!

Everyone: NO ONE WANTS TO BE DEFEATED!

Convicts: SHOW HIM HOW FUNKY- STRONG IS YOUR FIGHT!

Javert: IT DOESN'T MATTER, WHOSE WRONG OR RIGHT! JUST BEAT IT!

Valjean: I get it already! (walks away) Jeez...

Village children: (throw rocks at him)

Valjean: Can I get a job?

Field manager: Sure...

(Five minutes later)

Field manager: Get out, scum!

Valjean: (cursing) What is with you people? Its like everyone's super miserab- Oh wait...

Bishop: (cracks his knuckles) Time to do some good deeds...

Enjolras: (now the director) Didn't you hear? All those 80 pages in the book about you got cut, and now you only have a thirty second song and one good deed.

Bishop: What?

Enjolras: Just deal with it.

Bishop: (walks into Valjean) Here's some bread, and some wine, and blah, blah, blah come into my house... Wait what? Why would I let a former convict into my house?

Valjean: (starts eating like an animal)

Bishop: I hat this job...

Valjean: (steals silverware while Bishop is complaining)

Bishop:... And then my wife left me...

Valjean: (on the road) I'M GONNA POP SOME TAGS, GOT BUNCH OF SILVER IN MY POCKET! THIS IS-

Audience Parents: (cover their children's ears)

Valjean: (really loud) -ING AWESOME!

Soldiers: What are you doing?

Valjean: (unconvincingly) Nothing...

Soldiers: Is that silver?

Valjean: (laughing nervously) No...(runs away)

Soldiers: Come back! (tazer him)

Valjean: OWWW!

Soldiers: We found this guy stealing your sliver, should we send him to the galleys?

Bishop: YES!

Enjolras: (pulls out a knife)

Bishop: (sweating nervously) I- I mean, I g-gave it to him!

Soldiers: What?

Bishop: (picks up more silver) Here's the rest of it! Take it! And leave! (slams the door shut)

Soldiers: This seems ok... (leaves)

Valjean: I think I'm getting an epiphany...

Audience: (excited) This is gonna be great!

Valjean: THEY ALL DESERVE TO DIE!

Enjolras: (spit-take)

Audience: WTF?!

Valjean: IN ALL OF THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE, MRS LOVETT THERE ARE TWO KIND OF MEN AND ONLY TWO! THERE'S THE ONE STAYING PUT IN HIS PROPER PLACE! AND THE ONE WITH HIS FOOT IN THE OTHER MAN'S FACE-

Audience children: Mommy, what's happening?

Audience Moms: Nothing...

Valjean: (grabs a random chorus girl) DON'T WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE? (points at woman) EVEN YOU, MRS. LOVETT, EVEN I!

Random Chorus Girl: He's gone senile! (runs away screaming hysterically)

Enjolras: Just rip up your parole ticket!

Valjean: But then I'll never get to see the Oompa Lompas!

Enjolras: JUST RIP IT UP!

Valjean: FINE! (rips it up, and marches off the stage)

Audience: What?!

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**Please R&R! If you want to hear anyone sing a song, leave it in your review!**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Soprano**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks guys for all the reviews and favorites! they are amazing, and make my heart soar! **

**Iceflower... did you like it in a good way?**

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_Chapter Two: At The End Of The Day, and Fantine's Arrest:_

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Chorus: CAUSE ITS A BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY! THIS LIFE! TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET!

Chorus men: (start break-dancing)

Chorus Women: YOUR A SLAVE TO MONEY! THEN YOU DIE!

(Three chorus people drop dead)

Everyone: I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I'VE KNOWN, THE ROAD WE'RE ALL THE VEINS MEEETTT! Wait what?

Valjean: I'm the mayor now! SO DON'T WORRY! BE HAPPY!

Chorus: (mugs him)

(In the Sewing Factory)

Chorus Woman#1: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

Chorus Woman #2: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

Chorus Woman#1: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

Chorus Woman #3: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

Everyone: NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP! (put their hands up, including Fantine)

Women: (start dancing while stitching) WOAH! WO-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-WO-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH!

Foreman: (starts flirting with Fantine)

Fantine: (gets annoyed)

Foreman: So what do you say?

Fantine: (turns around) WHY MY ALWAYS HIT ON BY THE BOYS I NEVER LIKE! I CAN ALWAYS SEE 'EM COMING FOR THE LEFT AND FROM THE RIGHT!

Chorus Woman #1 who I shall call Angel: I DON'T MEAN TO BE A PRISS, BUT I'M TRYING TO BE POLITE! BUT IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO BITE ME IN THE-

Fantine: ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER, YEAH, YOU PUT ME ON THE SPOT!

Angel: YOU SAY THAT WE SHOULD HOOK UP, BUT I SAY THAT WE SHOULD NOT! (pushes the Foreman away)

Fantine: AND IF I HAD A FRANC FOR EVERY NAME THAT YOU JUST DROPPED-

Both: YOU'D BE HEAR, AND I'D BE ON A YACHT! OHHH!

Audience: Are we in the right sho-

Chorus Women: TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY HIPS, OR I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE LIPS! STOP, YOUR STARING AT MY- HEY! TAKE A HINT TAKE A HINT!

Angel: NO YOU CAN'T BUY ME A DRINK! LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK!

Fantine: I THINK YOU COULD USE A MINT!

Chorus Women: TAKE A HINT! TAKE A HINT! (start break dancing)

Fantine: WHAT ABOUT "NO" DON'T YOU GET?

Angel: SO GO AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

Both: I'M NOT REALLY INTRESTED!

Chorus Women: ITS ABOUT TIME THAT YOU'RE LEAVIN'-

Fantine: I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE, AND-

Fantine and Angel: OPEN MY EYES AND YOU'LL BE GO-O-O-ONE! WOAH!

Angel: ONE-

Fantine: TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY-

Angel: TWO-

Fantine: OR I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE-

Angel: THREE-

Fantine: STOP, YOUR STARING AT MY-

Everyone: HEY! TAKE A HINT! TAKE A HINT!

Angel and Fantine: NO, I'M NOT YOUR MISSING LINK! LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK! I THINK YOU COULD USE A MINT!

Everyone: TAKE A HINT! TAKE A HINT!

Chorus Women: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

Random worker: Hey, look a letter! (opens it)

Fantine: That's mine!

Random worker: Who cares?! (reads it out loud) GIVE US MORE MONEY, WOMAN! YOUR CHILD IS DYING.

Fantine: You know, its really rude to read someone's mail-

Random worker: (shouts) SHE'S A PROSTITUTE!

Fantine: No, I'm not!

RW: Then how do you explain this letter?

Fantine: It could be from my landlord.

RW: Nope. FOREMAN! FOREMAN!

Fantine: (tackles her)

Factory workers: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Valjean: (tears them apart) What's going on?

Fantine and RW: (start talking at the same time)

Valjean: Never mind! Random Foreman I just hired?

Foreman: Yeh?

Valjean: Fix this cuz you're totally trustworthy! (leaves)

Foreman: What is it now...

Fantine: She read my mail!

RW: Well she's a prostitute!

Fantine: No, I'm not!

RW: Well, you had a child! And you're single!

Fantine: So did you!

RW: My husband died!

Fantine: My husband left me!

Foreman: I think I've heard enough.

Fantine: (sighs)

Foreman: Fantine, you're fired.

Fantine: WHAT?!

Chorus: SO BEAT IT, BEAT IT, BEAT IT, BEAT IT!

Fantine: I GET IT! Sheesh (stomps out)

Chorus: CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!

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**Thanks for reading! I really hope you like it! Plz R&R and leave any suggestions you have for future chapters!**

**Soprano**


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